"to not trust"

He couldn't trust himself.
Feeling alone, lost, unloved,
he'd reach for the very thing
he didn't need,
the very thing
that was tearing him apart.
And he fell;
time and time again,
he tripped himself up,
watched himself fall.
And now he's beginning to learn
how demanding life is
when one has to shut themselves down
and completely trust One God
and one friend.
The pain boils inside him
every second, moment, day,
and he doesn't know how to cope,
doesn't know how to stop and breathe.
He simply can't trust himself,
can't trust himself if he'd like to be okay;
and that's all he's ever wanted.